The biggest blackest hole
Incident Report: The Events Surrounding the Cracking of the biggest blackest hole
Background
During the War of Whimsy, in 4040, FRP smartliness discovered several documents pertaining to
the rise of the Galactic Jape. Namely, the CDS research
around necromantic principles and creating physical manifestations of the gods of their mythology.
Seeing the obvious military applications of this project (guided by the Smartliness agents),
CDS military agents, without the knowledge of the Mimestry, formed the Superclowncils.
The third-stage experimentations began on Skaoi IV-1.
The third-stage experimentations (4120), known as Operation Zyther, explored applications of the materials produced by stages 1 and 2. The physical set of corrupted mimes had remineralized bones and modified blood. At the time, these substances seemed unremarkable. The result of Operation Zyther was the desired product, a god-egg at the center of the planet, slowly spreading its tendrils to slowly digest the planet. The Incorporeal Corps (mimes whose physical form did not survive corruption) stood guard, Xenomyna Skaoi was installed to protect the project. Then, the plan went off the rails.
The first Wiegler-Nrtan Vibration resonated with the god-egg at the planet's core, shattering Skaoi-IV-1. Hope seemed lost for the project, when, surprisingly, natural forces didn't take effect. The planet, now hollow, (Skaoi-IV-2) retained its thin shell, aided by the circuits of Ellow Cable and new properties of the minerals. The planet was put in a time-contraction vortex, to accelerate incubation. Such a large egg requires almost as large nutrients. As such, Skaoi IV was towed into the migration path of World Worms provided necessary parasite-vessels for the egg to regularly feed, using the Ellow Cable and Xenomyna as a means of injecting its tapeworm-like symbiote.
At the suggestion of Maria Verdes, two minds before her most recent wipe, Terminal Prime was used to introduce Kalbion in 4319, a simulation of the planet above, via the Ellow Cable to the god-egg. We believe this should have reeducated the god therein to be allied with humanity, capable of following orders, via the Q.U.E.S.T. system, and not completely omnicidal. Evidently, according to this recent expedition, the physical mimes underwent rapid mutation over this time period, evolving into many, many new, intelligent to semi-intelligent species.
In 4780, the time-contraction vortex was stopped, and in 4787, the Goldilocks survey was announced. Skaoi-IV-2 was placed at the border of the Palatial Institute and The Twelfth University of Terra's quadrants. A few of our own were placed among the crew and teams to make sure they did their jobs without arousing suspicion. As you can see, the results of the expedition have been a great success, and the cost of re-education, after the incident, will be very low indeed.
The Incident
First, the mimes rescued from the orbit around the god-egg were brought on board (most of them, anyways).
Tyne Dyer and his necromantic specimen were reported missing, and
all mimes were checked for Degenerative Mime Disease. Those found with any symptoms were pushed into the god-egg.
Second, The Ashbery Weekly Music Night featured a live performance from the mimes. As a precaution, they were safely quarantined in an imaginary glass box.
Third, Maria Verdes remarked upon how expensive the imaginary instruments were. I wouldn't know, in all honesty.
Fourth, the first course was served. It was a nice mock space-whale soup.
Fifth, the band started playing. The tuba's first note immediately shattered the imaginary glass box.
Sixth, the imaginary instruments were revealed to not be imaginary, composed of Titanite and Quasi-Inviolables (identified by Redshirt). They manifested, glowing a harsh ultraviolet.
Seventh, a Quasi-Inviolable wall formed around the mimes, protecting them from our security's attacks. At this point, the sound was muted, but a stark headache shook all in the sector. Sensors indicate they were playing on the WN-range.
Eighth (is that really how you spell it?), the planet below began to shake and transform. It turned black, spikes shot out, and it began to expand.
Ninth (you know what all of these look weird), the biggest blackest hole cracked, and from it emerged its god, an avatar of Lester. It took one enormous look around, then retreated back into the biggest blackest hole.
Tenth (that can't be right), the quasi-inviolable wall disappeared, and the mimes looked disoriented and confused.
It is Obvious what happened next.
I'm afraid, with this direct Mimestry interference, this publication will likely be one of my final actions for the Superclowncil, and maybe the final bureaucratic action of the Superclowncil. I would like to say, so long, and thanks for all the fish. My cats love that stuff. Good news is that they're letting me keep this gig. And it looks like we got one of the goodies! So yay for that.
Kelsey Khan, Director of Travels and Communications, The Ashbery, Federated Republic of Planets, and former Twelfth Superclowncil Intelligence Division, Head of Uncharted Explorations