The War of Whimsy
As my fellow researchers have continued to disparage the hallowed duty of the PorOrCorps during our excursions, I feel that I must remind the researchers of the Carroll (and also the other ship) of the gravity of our duties as sacred mimes. After the legendary events of the FRP federal elections of 4084, the Bureau of Internal Affairs championed the "You Know What, Screw This" Act, which outlawed any speaking in politics. In the wake of this, the sacred mimes of Terra, the guardians of the planet, rose to the occasion and took stewardship over the Republic. We have guided it through many travails since, and it has never known such a golden age.
And yes, playing ominous music all the time is absolutely part of that. Occasional music accompaniment was one of the treaty clauses in the Shenanigan Treaty of 4086 that ended the chapter of the War of Whimsy between the Federated Republic of Planets and the Confederated Democracy of Systems. It was the masterful realpolitik of the sacred mimes that enabled the bountiful collaborations between the researchers of the FRP and the Jester-Sages who run the technocratic government of the CDS, the Royal University. Don't forget, the technology that PI and T12 used to discover life on Skaoi IV was based on CDS-RU tech. The Invasive Species Protocols that protected the biosphere of Skaoi IV for research? CDS pushed for those[1]. The PorOrCorps personal multi-instrument setup? Jester-designed.
More importantly, because of this alliance, the second and graver chapter of the War of Whimsy has not destroyed the order and decency of galactic civilization, despite the best efforts of our enemy. The Galactic Jape, after all, is not really a civilization. It is a vast and alien machine, an empire in which every human good has been extinguished in a damp slurry of human viscera. The clowns of the Jape are neither sober performers like the sacred mimes of the FRP, nor spontaneous wits like the Jester-Sages of the CDS. They are death cultists devoid of souls, clown-clerics of Zettamince, the Eighth Clown-God of Slaughter. A thousand years ago, he devoured the previous Clown-God, Examince, who was known to the Jester-Sages only as She Who Hungers. If the Royal Academy's research on them is to be believed, the time is nigh for the final evolution of the cult. A thousand years after his divine meal, Zettamince too will be devoured in turn by Yottamince, She Who Masticates the Universe. With her power, they'll swarm us like M&MS. When she ushers in The Final Hoodwink... God help us all.
Tyne Dyer, Esq., Director of Occasional Music
[1] Though after that mold devoured the Fantastical College of Mars, something was bound to be implemented anyway. We have CDS-RU to thank for working it out ahead of time.