Humorless Dictum
ATTENTION: URGENT MEMO
As a reminder to all crew, do NOT tell jokes to or around ANY mimes. On this ship, that means Tyne Dyer, Esq. or any of his PorOrCorps. The Humorless Dictum will require very, very strict punishment to any and all attempting to make a mime crack a smile, though fortunately for all of you capital punishment is only required for other mimes. The Dictum covers ALL things that resemble clowns, including but not limited to: humor, oversized shoes, non-medical nasal prosthetics, brightly colored suits, bizarre hair (see Regulation 23-7-8 for what qualifies as "bizarre"), and hand-held bicycle horns. We simply cannot risk any accidental feeding of Yottamince, and though they are opposed to her, the mimes are still spritual conduits to the Multiversal Beings. We may not be on the front lines, but we are still at war, and we must all do our part.
Lieutenant Redshirt of the Ogden
Classification level: Lemniscate
Report to ADM Kelsey Khan 12SID-UE
Sir,
As you of course know by now, the mission to apprehend Wyndenhart was a complete success, but it must be documented properly. I released the ratbirds from inside her room as directed, and was able to get her to solitary before her objections could be heard by enough to make it suspicious. I'm still working on Q''ins'mat' vin Qoo'o'rik''', diplomatic immunity is a hard thing to get around. I'll have him squared away before we dock. Keith, on the other hand, will be easy. There's a necessary EVA tomorrow that will prove a very educational experience.
Maverick still seems to be fine. There is no sign of continued possession by the Voidsenders or any lasting effects thereof. Enormous stroke of luck, him falling into the "black hole" during that fake rescue mission. Suppressing the news of those Voidsender possessions was tough work, and you know I hate killing off my men. So much easier to just chuck them into the hole to depossess them and have them thrown right back after a few days. Mass reeducation may be expensive but they'll be perfectly productive members of society afterwards.
I'll move forward unless you have further orders.
CAPT Lieutenant Redshirt 12SID-UE-SF