Immediately and Thoroughly Nuking the Site from Orbit

Immediately and Thoroughly Nuking the Site from Orbit, AKA Procedure 4-1-1q, is a very elegant solution to nearly any problem that could be encountered in the universe. It can be used during war, while fleeing from world-worms, to settle grudges, and even to avoid making contact with new species when you just aren't feeling very social.

Procedure 4-1-1q was originally created specifically to outline the proper way to react to attacking ships and hostile colonies and planets occupied by the death clowns of the Galactic Jape, though it was inspired by a (justifiably) extremely nervous young Chief-Button-Pusher (the official title of the one in charge of the nukes on a starship) and proud participant in the H.I.T.L.E.R. Program who reflexively hit the giant red launch button in a panic upon first seeing the monstrous clown armies. This accident ended the battle before it began and saved many lives. The Chief-Button-Pusher was quickly promoted and praised for having such impressive first-contact procedures, eventually becoming the Lieutenant Commander/ First Contact Specialist aboard The Carroll.

Over time it became acceptable to use Procedure 4-1-1q at the first sign of anything that reminded the acting Chief-Button-Pusher of the Galactic Jape. It has now evolved to the point where it can be used immediately on just about anything, threatening or not. However, as wonderful as Immediately and Thoroughly Nuking the Site from Orbit is, some amount of restraint must be exercised, otherwise life in the universe could go extinct just like that plant thing recently did.

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Lieutenant Commander Kiel Olivum