Zoocium
This article dedicated to the memory of those lost in Zoocium research: Professors Azul and Naranja, Science Officer Nadya Deddet, and some interns. As Azul and Naranja's closest academic relation, Maria Verdes will be taking over the Zoocium study.
Zoocium is a type of speciharmonic organic molecule found exclusively on Skaoi IV. Perhaps due to its particular WN-range, attempts to transport or recreate the substance offworld have thus far failed spectacularly. Like, wow. I saw some of the on-moon explosions from The Ashbery. So. Many. Colors. Verdes and I did some painting afterwards. Anyways.
Appearance
A distinguishing property of the material is its color. It's black.
Very, very black. Like, think of the darkest room you've ever been in. And it's darker than that. Unless you've been in a room with a chunk of Zoocium.
It absorbs all light visible to the top genetically-improved, non-hyperspecialized humans, from approx 75 nm to 50 μm.
The material purportedly feels chalky to the touch, naturally clumping into spongy dodecahedrons.
Abnormal Properties in Variant Conditions
Base state, near-absolute-zero: Transmutes back to base from Anunary state. Exerts an incredibly powerful gravitational pull (affecting materials besides photons) proportional to the amount of Zoocium, and inversely proportional to the temperature.
Base state, normal Skaoi IV temperatures: Material absorbs all photons nearby from 100nm to 1μm, from a distance proportional to the amount of Zoocium. In excess of 100 kg, an event horizon grows larger than the sample.
Base state, ~4000K: Material grows and constructs itself into a fine, complex crystalline structure.
Base state, ~6000K: Crystalline structure expands, appears to form an "energy bridge" (in the words of the late Dr. Naranja), and continuously shifts from one crystalline state to another. <REDACTED: Pattern appears to be hypnotic to Galjapian Test Subject 2-15-2-15. Upon release, 2-15-2-15 began sniffing air, unhinged several jaws, and began attempting to bite at several clumps, avoiding energy bridges. Pattern shifted, 2-15-2-15 began to sob uncontrollably. Pattern shifted again, and 2-15-2-15 entered NIGHTMARE form. Automated walls divided subject from Zoocium and locked 2-15-2-15 in place until NIGHTMARE subsided.>
Base state ~10000K: Structure transmutes to Anunary state, is stable when temperatures are lowered above 10K.
Anunary state: Zoocium sample shrinks to its original size, forms a hard crystal. Crystal glows in every known color and frequency, depending somewhat on temperature, gravitational force, and the presence of coactive materials.
Coactive Materials
Titanite and base Zoocium repel each other. Forcing them to touch will result in a large, violent explosion, sending out highly concentrated, potentially deadly Wiegler-Nrtan Vibrations in all directions. Remember that headache a few weeks ago?
Kila and Zoocium attract. Once they touch, the Kila is absorbed into the Zoocium, and the material will turn bright pink, only absorbing green light for a brief period.
Titanite and anunary Zoocium will create a delicious fudge, no roflmaocopter they'll cause nearby organic matter to distort, growing larger or smaller. Of course, this is completely uncontrollable and of no practical use. <REDACTED: It's completely controllable. The two will merge into a spherical crystal, whose light can be refracted. Upon contact with a creature with an acceptable WN-range, the creature's range will be retuned to embiggen or ensmallen, depending on the color of light.)
Kelsey Khan, Director of Travels and Communications, The Ashbery, Federated Republic of Planets
Classification level: Lemniscate
Orders on Operation Down-To-Clown
Teams are to begin immediate extraction of orbiting mimes. Use any force necessary, and drop any unwilling subjects into the center. Retain small sample of raised Interior Arachnowyrm
Full psych examination of each mime to follow. Those found in less than loyal condition are to be introduced to carrier of Degenerative Mime Disease.
Keep Dyer alive, at least until after the date, unless tested positive for active necromantic residues. Verdes got too excited, and I don't want to arouse suspicion.
Kelsey Khan, Twelfth Superclowncil Intelligence Division, Head of Uncharted Explorations